Yes, my blog is, in some sense, about my “recovery” from an eating disorder. It’s also about me reclaiming my identity, my mind, and my body from anorexia. When I was in the middle of inpatient, I had a sudden realization: this was all a complete fucking waste of time. I loved the girls and I loved the environment, but I deserved–and THEY deserved–to be out being amazing and doing amazing stuff. Since then, I’ve lost people to the disease, I’ve seen people go in and out of treatment, and I’ve seen anorexia and bulimia continuing to wreak havoc on the lives and minds of people I love. I’ve missed opportunities for it, and the lingering behaviors and feelings have affected how I interact with other people. I generally meet with professionals around four times a month, and while I appreciate their help, it’s just not what I would rather be doing. I don’t want to be reminded of my eating disorder. I don’t want to be reminded of anybody else’s eating disorder. I want people to understand that they have one body, one life, and one chance to love themselves and others. Believe me, I have had ENOUGH experience with anorexia to last me a lifetime, and it still pains me to see “lose 10 pounds fast!” or “does ________ have an eating disorder?” on the covers of magazines and in the news. I believe that eating disorders are symptoms of larger mental problems like depression. Health, for me, means spending time around healthy, positive people, not sick and struggling people. Unfortunately, I tend to get wrapped up in the recovery of other people instead of my own, and it’s just easier to set that boundary of getting involved. Hopefully my posts will transition from being largely eating-disorder centered to being about things I’m interested in and other aspects of my life. I can’t separate myself from my eating disorder, but I can make every attempt to move on with my life, and that’s what I’m doing.
I do support the efforts of most recovery blogs, as long as you’re into recovering. I also support the efforts of recovery! If you want to follow my blog, that’s great–please do! (I’ll take whatever love I can get!) I will try to keep the stuff that I do write about my eating disorder recovery-oriented and not get caught up in issues of sizing, BMI, exercise, weight, etc. I just don’t think that I can follow other recovery blogs while remaining committed to my own recovery.
Thanks for your understanding!